Toughness Isn’t the Same as Strength: A Lesson for the Workplace

In When the Stars Go Dark by Paula McLain, there’s a quiet but powerful line that sticks with you: “Toughness isn’t the same as strength.”

On the surface, it might seem like semantics. Don’t we use those words interchangeably? In the workplace, especially, “tough” and “strong” are often lumped together to mean someone who can handle stress, take criticism, or survive long hours and tight deadlines. But McLain’s distinction invites us to think more deeply—and more humanely—about what these qualities actually mean, and why the difference matters at work.

Toughness: A Shell

Toughness is often about enduring, about pushing through pain, bottling up emotion, keeping a stiff upper lip. It’s armor.

In the workplace, toughness might look like:

• Saying “I’m fine” even when you’re overwhelmed

• Working late into the night to meet expectations, despite burnout

• Avoiding vulnerability for fear of appearing weak

This kind of toughness may be praised in the short term, but over time, it can lead to disconnection, isolation, and emotional fatigue. It’s about survival, not sustainability.

Strength: A Core

Strength, on the other hand, is more internal. It’s resilience. It’s the ability to bend without breaking, to ask for help when needed, to stay open and connected even in hard moments.

Strength in the workplace might look like:

• Setting healthy boundaries without guilt

• Admitting when you’re struggling, and seeking support

• Being kind and steady in moments of chaos

Strength isn’t about suppressing emotion—it’s about having the emotional intelligence to understand it and respond with intention.

Why This Matters in Today’s Work Culture

We’ve glamorized hustle and toughness for too long. But high-performing teams aren’t built on burned-out individuals pretending to be okay. They’re built on trust, authenticity, and mutual respect. And that starts with shifting our understanding of what it really means to be strong.

When leaders model real strength—by being honest about challenges, prioritizing mental health, and creating space for vulnerability—it sends a powerful message: You don’t have to be “tough” to succeed here. You just have to be human.

Final Thoughts

“Toughness isn’t the same as strength.”

This line reminds us that true strength is quiet, grounded, and open. In the workplace, it means valuing people not for how much they can endure, but for how well they can grow, connect, and thrive—together.

Let’s stop asking people to be tough. Let’s start empowering them to be strong